But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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