Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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