i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Found the puke drawer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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