so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All the doctor said was why
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