I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize