Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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