His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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