so that wasnt chicken after all
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
