so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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