mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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