You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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