my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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