It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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