Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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