i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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