Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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