Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
