Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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