There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I believe in your delicious
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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