not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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