so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize