I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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