the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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