omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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