so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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