3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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