at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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