Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize