How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize