Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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