I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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