My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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