With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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