I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize