It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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