he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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I will pee on everything he values.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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