people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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