Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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