insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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