if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
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ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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