My nipple is on Facebook.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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