found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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