Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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