I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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