her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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