I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize