Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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