can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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