got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize