so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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